Perks for being over 50 years old
 

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
 
 3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
 
 4. People call at 9 PM and ask, " Did I wake you ???? "
 
 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
 
 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
 
 7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
 
 8. You can eat dinner at 4 PM.
 
 9. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
 
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
 
11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.
 
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
 
13. You sing along with elevator music.
 
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
 
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
 
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
 
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. You can't remember if you've read this before